Today is Monday, June 13, 2011. This is my first free style blog. I have been pondering over many topics for days, inquiring to myself which one would be more powerful. I decided to write a blog without self-regulation. I suppose you can say this is a blog allowing you the reader, to get to know the “real” me. The topic for today’s blog is control, fear and acceptance.
I find too many times we struggle to find control over the uncontrollable. A common human tendency during tribulation is attempting to figure out the how and why. Sometimes there isn’t one we can find. This becomes a challenge for us and we get to a point where we have to make a choice, to accept or waste more time on the unnecessary.
When we let go, we are accepting the fact we couldn’t or can’t do anything. Accepting no control means giving ourselves control. It’s a release from negative emotion.
To give up control is how you obtain it, which can sound like an oxymoron. Let me phrase it like this “we give up on the “idea” of control we never had, nor will have, and become able to focus on ourselves which means we take control.” This is also an acceptance of reality. The true power we have is over ourselves. It’s more power than we need and to tap into it could create an abundance of possibility.
We are afraid of the unknown because we think we can’t control what we don’t know. Fact is, we can’t control what we know either. It’s all an illusion. We can control how we drive but we can’t control how others drive or the weather. If we let fear control us, we will never get anywhere. The alternative is to ground ourselves never living life. What is the point then?
What I am attempting to articulate is that fear is the result of feeling a lack of control. When we are at a standstill about anything it’s because we have allowed fear of “no control” to control us. The lesson is learning to push through fear and keep on going. Acceptance is what pushes us to conquer fear.
I will use an emergency situation to high-light actions of others when feeling fear of “no control”.
We will call the main character “Samuel”. Samuel is a prominent business man who had been suffering from pain in his stomach along with fatigue, loss of appetite and potty problems. He went to his family practitioner described the pain but left out several details important for the correct diagnosis. The doctor prescribed according to the description.
In this first part, fear has eluded Samuel to leave out details because he was scared to hear the severity. Some people will try to trick their minds by manipulating the situation according to what they want it to be. Samuel wanted the condition to be minimal. He wanted it to be treatable with a simple pill remedy. Unfortunately, the condition becomes life threatening.
After two weeks, Samuel lost a lot of weight and stopped eating. His wife, Helen and daughter, Sarah, attempted to plead with him to go to the hospital. Samuel assured them he was okay and attempted to go a few more days without help. Finally, one morning Samuel could not get out of bed. The wife and daughter quickly pushed him to go to the ER. After much hesitation he finally agreed.
The ER quickly admitted Samuel and determined he had an infection that ruptured his intestine. Samuel was in need of emergency surgery. This could have been avoided if Samuel had first told the doctor of all his symptoms but fear of the unknown, prompted Samuel to take the harder road.
Since Samuel couldn’t dispute the doctor he asked his wife to bring him items unnecessary for the moment. He asked for his laptop, brief case and tools necessary for his work day. Since Samuel felt he had no control, he was attempting to dive into the illusion of control. The only place he felt a constant feeling of control was at work, therefore he wanted to focus on that.
Sometimes, instead of acceptance, people will attempt to find a situation that replicates a feeling of control. It’s like an addict who had their substance taken away. They will do anything that gives them the same sensation. Taking away control, whether fictional or real, will push some people to seek out a “quick fix”.
Samuel’s wife was also afraid. Instead of staying at the hospital, Helen found an excuse to run home. She had laundry that needed to go into the drier and to prevent wrinkles she had to change it asap. To justify this action she stated she could pick up the items Samuel requested. In reality, Helen, like some, was too afraid to face the situation head on. The feeling of helplessness was petrifying for Helen and she needed to do something where she felt in control.
Another reaction of some is avoidance. They think, out of sight, out of mind. At times, they may find drama or create drama as a distraction. You may find the “nosy” neighbor diverts their attention to the neighborhood drama instead of their own. When a person choses to work after a death it’s because they are trying to ignore the pain. This can be misconstrued as not caring but it’s far from it.
As Samuel was brought up for preparation he suddenly became filled with anxiety. As a defense, his mind became impaired. After surgery, Samuel sat bed ridden for several weeks. During that time, the need for control was displayed through denial, little co-operation with medical staff and anger.
When a person needs to put trust in others they might react by pushing them away. In this case, Samuel tried to change the wording of the doctor to trick nurses into giving him food he wanted but could not have. This struggle was due to lack of accepting he had no control over his body healing the way he wanted it to. If Samuel accepted it, he would see that giving up the delusional sense of control would allow him to have an easier recovery, for all.
Samuel’s family responded by trying to take over obtaining medical records. They wanted to make sure Samuel was properly cared for and was almost over baring for the staff. This is a reaction where a person needs to feel as though they are in the driver seat. When we are at the steering wheel we feel safer because we have a sense of control even though we can’t control if another driver will spin out of control.
This is a small example showing how people react when they feel there is no control. The fact is they never had control to begin with so it’s perplexing as to why we have this desire. I feel that the desire is a want, not need. Many times we find our wants do not match our needs. When we learn to want what we need, we have found a balance. To find that, we must accept what we want isn’t what we need and what we need always leads us to a happier place.
This is what I find to be a main struggle for people. It’s the road block we build for ourselves that prevents true happiness. Many people strive for the “delusional” sense of control with money, prestige and power. All these things fade away and the person is left a mess. Even when they obtain money, prestige and power, it never satisfies because the happiness achieved isn’t true.
The moments people hold close usually entail loved ones or achievements from hard work. Why do you think that is?
